Feeling oddly unsettled this week and kind of sad, and I do know the reasons why, I just need to find a way to work through them.  Yes, I live my life more positively and am a happy person, but every so often something will happen that will flip your world around.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes a mix of both and it will torment you and drive you crazy and may knock you down for a while and as hard as it may be to deal with, this is good because it means that you you are opening yourself up to possibilities and allowing yourself to feel.  In order to appreciate and enjoy the good that life has to offer, we need to experience the bad as well, because how else will you be able to recognize something good before it's gone.

Change is scary, and it should be.  Sometimes change is out of our control, it is thrown at us and we have no choice but to deal with it,  how we deal with it is entirely up to us. But the change I'm talking about is the one that arises from personal decision, the one that comes from a conscious desire to change something about yourself  or your life.  This is not easy or quick.  If you have arrived at this point then that means that you have discovered something about yourself or your life that you did not like and this can be unpleasant.  Facing your demons, if you will.

The way I see it, or rather the way it worked for me, is that change can be broken down into three phases; recognizing the need for change, deciding to change, and making those changes.  Once you have gotten through the sometime uncomfortable phase of recognizing the need for change, deciding to change is the easiest part, actually making those changes is another story.  There are easy changes; weight, style, hair color, etc.  Then there are the harder, more abstract changes.  These are the ones that arise from deep soul searching, from truths that may be hard to face.  If you decide to truly make these changes, they are not easy or quick and you will get discouraged along the way, you may even stop for a while, but that's ok.  We need to be able to process these things without becoming overwhelmed, sometimes we need to just be able to reflect on what has happened so far and reassess.  Change is ever changing.  These kinds of changes are the ones that will have the biggest impact on your life, they will also be the ones to give you the most satisfaction. 

Macy Gray - Beauty In The World

This change was neither quick nor easy, but now that I have gotten through it, I feel wonderful, happy, and at ease with myself.  That's not to say that I don't still have doubts and disappointments from time to time, but I now allow myself to feel them, hard though they may be.  This is about truly growing and changing, you may or may not read this, that is up to you.  I just have a need to get this out and if along the way I can inspire or help even one person to find the courage to really make a change in their lives then I've accomplished far more than I ever set out to do.

This is a personal blog reflecting on instances in my life mostly from the last 5 years.  I have been through some life changing events during this time and it caused me to seriously examine and reflect on myself and my life.  I discovered a lot during this time, some of which I did not like, which helped me to find out who I wanted to be and who I didn't want to be.  It was then that I decided to change certain things about myself and my life.